Coffee Jokes

When you suffer from coffee obsession, when getting that cup of Java just right is part of your daily routine and obsessing about new options for your coffee loving clients, then it so also happens that you start joking about it. As with any big part of your life it ends up…a joke. Sometimes such a geeky joke you can’t even share it with non-coffee addicts as they just won’t get it. So we decided to gather some mainstream coffee jokes that every coffee lover can enjoy!


When I went to Starbucks for coffee they lied. It wasn’t Starbucks, it was four bucks!


Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea? Waiter: What does it taste like? Customer: It tastes like gasoline! Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes like turpentine.”


A blonde says to a brunette, ”Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.”

The brunette says, ”Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.”
Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.

Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining about how coffee made him nervous. I said why don’t you quit drinking coffee. He said, “because if I didn’t have the shakes I wouldn’t get any exercise at all.”
“I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning,” prescribed the doctor. “You gotta be kidding, doc,” I’ve been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee”.


So those were some of the jokes we found out there. Of course one could also argue that if it wasn’t for coffee there wouldn’t be any jokes at all. People would simply be too grumpy. Worse still – they wouldn’t even care to get out of bed in the morning.


I bought a decaffeinated coffee table, you can’t even see a difference.